The Elephant in the room
My dear friend Caroline made me a quilt. Out of the blue, sitting in Maldoons, I was fumbling around with the realisation that she’d been beavering away in secret, planning the design, sourcing meaningful fabrics, spending her money, giving up her time, digging deep into her reserves of patience to do the binding…all for me.
I knew how long it took and how costly it was because I’ve made a few myself. And there was a letter too, explaining the different bits and pieces – poppies, London buses, beach huts, ketchup, some guitars to remind me to ‘keep rockin’ … all put together to celebrate Britain and our friendship, to remember funny things like our deeply-held conviction that us wives and mums should wear capes. She called herself a “Cowardy-Custard” because she was kind of avoiding a final good bye. And there he was, larger than life – the Elephant in the room: the fact that I am leaving.
“Trumpety Trump.” He spun around the cafe, trampling our feet, knocking the little tables spinning with his enormous arse, sending cups and plates smashing onto the floor. Teacakes, poached eggs, gingerbread men – all mushed up in amongst the debris and doused with coffee. Sometimes he just stands in the corner and I notice the odd fly or get a faint whiff of dung, but this time Caroline had acknowledged him and he was on the rampage.
Jesus said “Truly I tell you no one who has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me and the gospel will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age; homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and fields – along with persecutions – and in the age to come, eternal life.” (Mark 10 v 29-30) ‘Hmmmmm, not sure about the persecution part to be honest Jesus, and also can I add ‘friends’ to that list although I cannot for the life of me see how you can clone the kind of remarkable women I know and call my friends? No offence, please and thank you etc Amen.’
The Elephant was soon safely put back in the corner again, with a patchwork bag over his head. It had to be so, because we only had a little while before we went our separate ways back to family life, our imaginary capes flapping as we went. Two blazes of defiant red, extra-taut, choking us a little that morning.
I feel you x x x What a precious gift. In the years to come it will be a huge joy whenever you see that quilt but I can safely say the heartbreak of leaving a place you called home never really heals completely, just changes to become another piece of who you are, gold-infilled to transform the break into something permanently visie but incredibly beautiful. I don’t think we ever truly leave somewhere behind. A little piece of our heart stays there, and we take a piece of that place with us as well.
Blessings to you Pam x x x
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SO it is. Beautiful! Like messy mama, I feel you, Pam, but as you take that quilt with you, you take the meanings in it with you and you’ll be making other quilts with more meaning on your journey forward. That of course, doesn’t take away the loss of things and people and the pain of it, but that quilt will hopefully be a constant reminder of the love that goes with you from many of us and adds to the yet coming friendships and new meanings. Thank you to Caroline for such a beautiful act! I see you, Pam, snuggling in it, wrapping it around yourself, sometimes dancing in it, sometimes crying into it, sometimes smiling, sometimes giggling, sometimes wrapping someone else inside it with you. Life is amazing with God.
xx Outi
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The elephant is in your room but he’s in mine as well. And for now he’s well & truly covered so mostly I don’t acknowledge him. For me it’s the other end of the stck having the ‘leaving parents etc; for the gospel in my past. But we’ll both survive well because our JESUS gave absolutely all for us. And He is no woman’s debtor.
BLESSINGS ABOUND DEAR FRIEND.
Jennifer
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Just caught up on the story so far and I kept finding myself thinking “I can’t wait to buy the book”! Loved reading your thoughts on Finland too, pretty spot on! Lots of love to you all on your adventures, will be following and praying for you xx
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Hey nice to hear from you Emma . Likewise, I am waiting for your baking book…. mmmmmmmmm
Hope your own move has panned out well, it certainly seems like it has. x x Much love
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I have been endeavouring to keep cheerful and optimistic but it not easy …
MUM XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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As an expat, the main tip I’d give for surviving in your adopted country is “STACK UP” i.e Stack up on food that only your home country sells (in my case lentils cooked in a certain way, biscuits “Petit Prince”, and Madeleines – you get them at Waitrose but they don’t have that I got them in France kind of feeling, tea – I know it sounds odd, but you cannot get orange tea here), stack up on books (although in your case, there is no issue with the language, so maybe not…), stack up on DVDs of your favourite series that you know you won’t get over there…. You get the idea 😉 I was secretly hoping that you wouldn’t sell your house (selfish really) so you’d have to stay, but eh! I’m very happy that we’ve met and hope very much that we’ll keep in touch. We have a trampoline now, so you more than welcome to come over whenever (well not at 4am… ) and lay on it with a cuppa… or two 😉 and a chat. Much love to you and your family. ((hugs)) xxxx
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Thanks Virginie – what a lovely neighbour you are – and to think that we met at HOMESCHOOLING co-op!! What are the chances….? And thank you for having Evie so much this summer x x x x x
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I cling to that verse in Mark…and what a lovely gift for a friend to give you. Beautiful.
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So well-observed Pam. At least you can look forward to the arriving though – usually that has a nice clean feel of making a new start, of possibilities and potential. It is the leaving and the coming back to visit that can be emotionally tricky. Don’t come back too soon, but don’t stay away too long either 😉
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Choked up myself reading this. The Nichols family will be WELL MISSED and pinned over!!!!! How you have shaped me Colin and Pam over the years, I count myself blessed by God to have been led by you. X That’s all for now …………
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waaaaahhhhhhhhhh …. it’s going to be a sob-fest x x x x x x
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Hi Pam, that’s so beautifully written I can feel the lump in my throat. You guys are such an inspiration, I’m crying even as I write, what a woos I am!! It’s true, if you don’t think of something too deeply you won’t let it effect you emotionally! Just letting it sink in now really that you guys are off…… Col has been so supportive of our work, which has been such a blessing as it’s such an emotive subject, but I want you to know that knowing he stands with us has been a source of strength to me in times of opposition, he stuck his neck out for us, something not many church leaders are doing in this area currently! so thank you! God bless you on your way, there’s an adventure ahead, not to be missed, I shall certainly be following your wonderful blogging darling!!! xxx
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well thanks for making ME cry now Ivana!! stay in touch xxxx
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